A Favorite Card From a Friend

"I'll collect my tatters, the perfect pieces of me, and notch them together in an informal pattern just to suggest myself. Then I can start the welding process, and in a short breath, I'll be fine."

She is me...refusing to surrender to what life is trying to do to her. Thankfully I don't have to be the one to notch and weld my tattered pieces into a functional whole. We have a God who specializes in holding us together and fixing what's broken. Lately, I'm trying to let Him do just that...

Quote For The Day...

Do more than exist; live.
Do more than touch; feel.
Do more than look; observe.
Do more than read; absorb.
Do more than hear; listen.
Do more than listen; understand.
Do more than think; ponder.
Do more than talk; say something.

~John H. Rhoades

All In A Days Work

"We must learn to see with other eyes. The world contains many paths, some exalted, some mundane. It is not our task to judge the worthiness of our path; it is our task to walk our path with worthiness." ~ Kent Nerburn

Last November I got a call from my friend Eileen. She knew I'd been looking for a part time job and had a lead for me. "Ruth, I know this isn't something you'd normally consider doing," she began, "but my grandma and her 86 year old boyfriend need someone to help them run errands, cook meals, bring in mail and paper, and take out trash - stuff like that. Don't decide now, just think about it, ok?"

She knew me. She knew that I detested being trapped by these mundane tasks at home and to take on another shift of them elsewhere? Doubtful. Yet some gentle nudging (like a quick look at our bank account) caused me to re-evaluate what I was willing to do for a paycheck so I went to check it out.

Dave is a retired WWII pilot, civil engineer, fly fisherman, woodworker (and on and on) with a genius IQ and a lifetime of amazing stories to tell. Gaby is a loving and fiesty woman with fire in her sparkly eyes and deep dimples in her smooth, rosy cheeks when she smiles; which is quite often. Especially when sitting across from her sweetheart and listening to his stories earnestly, like she's never heard them before. And she hasn't. Oh he's certainly told her - over and over - but she doesn't usually remember because she battles with dementia. So they have a fairly predictable pattern of conversation. He likes to tell, she doesn't remember, he likes to tell and she's hearing it for the very first time...and so on. A perfect fit, actually.

Dave's mind is one of the sharpest knives in the drawer. He still works part-time from home, orders their groceries on-line and keeps a schedule on his PDA, but his body struggles to get where it wants to go. Gaby gets around a bit easier but her mind is failing her. Both love each other like crazy...and both needed someone to assist them in order to be able to stay together in their home.

That someone was to be me.

I could easily go on and on (and I usually do) about the blessings attached to what I do each day. Some are tangible and some just go straight through to the heart. One of the "perks" (as Dave calls it) is that when there's a doctors appointment or errand to run, going out for lunch is usually part of the plan. But not just any ole' lunch mind you. "There is a difference," he says, "between eating and dining." Well, we definitely dine. A round or two of drinks (Of course I'm the designated driver), A wonderful main course and always our own dessert wherever we go. I have come to treasure sitting across from these two remarkable people and am continually blessed by the rich wisdom and experiences they share with me.

Needless to say, I've gained a few pounds since meeting Dave and Gaby. I like to think most of it is not because my body is getting bigger, but because my heart has gotten bigger. Sure there are days when I get tired of cooking and doing laundry for two households, but I'll forever be grateful for the day I stepped outside of myself and into a job that is proving to be anything but mundane.

Your Own Pace...

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

"Just Don't Be You"

“A person who feels more deeply, sees more clearly, or has a voice that cannot be used in daily discourse is destined always to feel alone. It is simply part of the inheritance of those who spend time in places where others do not tread. Your task in life is, and forever will be, to find a way to make that place of loneliness into a place of refuge and solitude, not a place of terror and isolation.” – Kent Nerburn, PhD

Kent is one of my favorite authors. Although we have fundamental differences in our core spiritual beliefs, his writing inspires me to be more at peace with the way God designed my mind to process life.

For some, seeing and experiencing things so intensely can feel like a curse at times. I am reminded of Melvin, the gifted, OCD novelist in "As Good As It Gets." He goes to see his love, Carol. When she opens the door and sees him she sighs and says, "come on in and try not to ruin everything by being you." I understood why she said that, given his obvious lack of social skills, but what a slam. It's no wonder that he lived in isolation most of the time.

I can relate to some degree as I have inherited an overexcitable mind. One that overthinks, overfeels and overreacts. Rather than face the criticism, sometimes it's just easier to be alone with my thoughts. Then I don't have to work so hard at silencing them in order to avoid irritating, offending or overwhelming someone. I used to think that being alone was, well, lonely. I confused solitude with isolation. But lately I'm finding some refuge in spending time alone with my ponderings.

It just feels safer.

I think we must stop expecting one another to tread in places intellectually that we were never designed to go. The bell curve demonstrates to us that God did not create us all to think the same way. Someone with an IQ of, say, 70 is mentally retarded to the general population with an average IQ of 100-110, as the average is retarded to the gifted (130-150), as the gifted is retarded to the genius of 150+. Simply put, we are all mentally challenging to someone and that's a fact we simply can not ever change so we need to try and find a way to get along with, accept and even respect our differences.

Until then, let's stop hurting each other and refuse to slam the door in the face of those who process life differently than ourselves on either side of the bell curve; or even worse - telling them they can come on in, provided they make sure not to ruin everything by being who they really are.

Sweet Inspiration

Dave and I just had the most wonderful weekend in Costa Mesa. We were in charge of the marriage retreat for our church and it was so great to celebrate, along with 15 other couples, our serious commitment to a lifetime together.

Among those special couples; Bob and Emilie Barnes - our speakers. With 52 years of marriage behind them, we were all blessed and inspired by their sweet love. Just watching them look at each other with such deep respect and adoration, infused us with a fierce determination to learn their secret. So we soaked them up and hung on every word...

Emilie is a successful author with over 50 books in print. She and I spent time talking about my dream of being a writer. She was my age when she published her first and she encouraged me to pursue my passion but to always be mindful of my first priority - feathering my nest. She fueled my desire to press on with my work, balanced with some much needed perspective. I will always treasure the time she took to mentor me that weekend. We formed a special bond...

During our free time Dave and I stole away to The Wedge in Newport Beach; the place where we got engaged. We took some fun photos and remembered a bit of what life was like at that very spot on the jetty 19 years before. After loving each other for 22 years our relationship remains strong and secure. It has been far from easy many days, but God is blessing our desire to be committed for life.

Bob told a truth within a funny joke one night. He said when you get married you get three rings. An engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffe-ring. As a result of this simple little retreat, when we hit those inevitable potholes in the road, I think we'll first pray and then find ourselves stopping to ask -

- what our sweet Bob and Emily would do...

Brain Yoga

Every Thursday I am such a happy girl...

People think I'm crazy for making the hour plus commute to Westwood to further (ok, pretty much begin) my higher education. I've actually created a little weekly ritual for myself.

I try and leave early to avoid as much traffic as possible (thank you mom) and use the time in the car to talk with God or catch up on phone calls. Once there, I stop into Whole Foods Market around the corner from the campus to grab a Spicy Tuna Roll and some iced tea for a picnic dinner for one. There are a few special spots where this little meal takes place depending on whether or not I feel like communing with nature and architecture or students and coffee blenders. Either enables me to savor the flavor of University life...I relish the moments before class as much as I do the classes themselves.

School for me is like Brain Yoga. My mind is stretched to capacity and then holds it's pose as creativity and instruction breathe life into my being. The experiences I've had so far on this beautiful campus have been nothing short of a gift from God. My class last quarter, "The Art of the Personal Essay" was held in the amazing Royce Hall (above). Its tall, brick archways, ornate, carved details and glass bottle windows are rich with history and culture. I also love to sit in the beautiful Powell library (below). It smells of books and old plaster and I'm regularly drawn in to sit for a spell. While shooting these photos, I felt so blessed to be able to study here. I'm certain I will never take my time at UCLA for granted.


It is a precious few hours each week of sheer mental bliss...