"Just Don't Be You"

“A person who feels more deeply, sees more clearly, or has a voice that cannot be used in daily discourse is destined always to feel alone. It is simply part of the inheritance of those who spend time in places where others do not tread. Your task in life is, and forever will be, to find a way to make that place of loneliness into a place of refuge and solitude, not a place of terror and isolation.” – Kent Nerburn, PhD

Kent is one of my favorite authors. Although we have fundamental differences in our core spiritual beliefs, his writing inspires me to be more at peace with the way God designed my mind to process life.

For some, seeing and experiencing things so intensely can feel like a curse at times. I am reminded of Melvin, the gifted, OCD novelist in "As Good As It Gets." He goes to see his love, Carol. When she opens the door and sees him she sighs and says, "come on in and try not to ruin everything by being you." I understood why she said that, given his obvious lack of social skills, but what a slam. It's no wonder that he lived in isolation most of the time.

I can relate to some degree as I have inherited an overexcitable mind. One that overthinks, overfeels and overreacts. Rather than face the criticism, sometimes it's just easier to be alone with my thoughts. Then I don't have to work so hard at silencing them in order to avoid irritating, offending or overwhelming someone. I used to think that being alone was, well, lonely. I confused solitude with isolation. But lately I'm finding some refuge in spending time alone with my ponderings.

It just feels safer.

I think we must stop expecting one another to tread in places intellectually that we were never designed to go. The bell curve demonstrates to us that God did not create us all to think the same way. Someone with an IQ of, say, 70 is mentally retarded to the general population with an average IQ of 100-110, as the average is retarded to the gifted (130-150), as the gifted is retarded to the genius of 150+. Simply put, we are all mentally challenging to someone and that's a fact we simply can not ever change so we need to try and find a way to get along with, accept and even respect our differences.

Until then, let's stop hurting each other and refuse to slam the door in the face of those who process life differently than ourselves on either side of the bell curve; or even worse - telling them they can come on in, provided they make sure not to ruin everything by being who they really are.

Brain Yoga

Every Thursday I am such a happy girl...

People think I'm crazy for making the hour plus commute to Westwood to further (ok, pretty much begin) my higher education. I've actually created a little weekly ritual for myself.

I try and leave early to avoid as much traffic as possible (thank you mom) and use the time in the car to talk with God or catch up on phone calls. Once there, I stop into Whole Foods Market around the corner from the campus to grab a Spicy Tuna Roll and some iced tea for a picnic dinner for one. There are a few special spots where this little meal takes place depending on whether or not I feel like communing with nature and architecture or students and coffee blenders. Either enables me to savor the flavor of University life...I relish the moments before class as much as I do the classes themselves.

School for me is like Brain Yoga. My mind is stretched to capacity and then holds it's pose as creativity and instruction breathe life into my being. The experiences I've had so far on this beautiful campus have been nothing short of a gift from God. My class last quarter, "The Art of the Personal Essay" was held in the amazing Royce Hall (above). Its tall, brick archways, ornate, carved details and glass bottle windows are rich with history and culture. I also love to sit in the beautiful Powell library (below). It smells of books and old plaster and I'm regularly drawn in to sit for a spell. While shooting these photos, I felt so blessed to be able to study here. I'm certain I will never take my time at UCLA for granted.


It is a precious few hours each week of sheer mental bliss...

Thought for the Day

"It is better to love, than be right."

Giftedness Defined

"The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:
A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.
To him...
a touch is a blow,
a sound is a noise,
a misfortune is a tragedy,
a joy is an ecstasy,
a friend is a lover,
a lover is a god,
and failure is death.
Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create - - - so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating." -Pearl Buck-